My Easter Message: Step Away From the Mike

Easter.

Thank you for this day, Lord.

Salvation, Hope, Light, and Freedom are offered to all through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

So, what does the microphone photo have to do with Easter?

I have taken these last two months off from singing with our worship band at church. Second to writing, singing is my mode of communication with God, and yet, since the house going up for sale, I've not been able to muster up the ability to do so. Sundays have been hectic, what with having to leave the house clean and spotless for showings and Open Houses, plus getting the kids ready, as well as myself in order to get out the door early to rehearse. And for as much as I adore singing, God was gently tapping my shoulder to take a breather during this season where I've felt like I've been wearing a whalebone corset. Short of breath, dizzy, tight, and tense.

As the band began today I was absolutely elated to see that the newest female vocalist was stepping up to the mike to fill the gap. I smiled. And then, the woman next to me whispered, "Oh! That is your song."

No. It isn't.

I realize that she was merely being kind - communicating that she would miss us when we moved. I knew her inner monologue. Still, it was never my song, but rather a song that God gave me the grace to sing.

I never set out to take this hiatus and always thought I would just continue singing until we moved, but the break has proven to be good for me. It has forced me to commune with God differently. Even though the communion as of late has mainly consisted of a weakly squeaked prayer containing one word: Help.

It's a good prayer. Solid. Packed with sincerity and not too wordy.

I've not been able to get through worship without crying every week, and no doubt the Lord knew this when He prompted me to lay down the mike. I've needed this time. To sit with George. To minister to Harper. To have the freedom to fall apart in the pew rather than doing so during a song I'm trying to lead.

Today, I was especially moved by the Easter message. It confirmed for me what I've been experiencing over these last two months. For the first time ever, I really identified with Mary, who stricken with grief upon finding the tomb empty, couldn't be moved from this state by either John's belief that Jesus had risen, or the two angels inside the tomb who spoke directly to her heart's concern.

I too have not been able to rise out of the despair I have been feeling despite the incredible wishes and encouraging words from friends and family that God will do a great thing and sell my house. I have heard their words, just as Mary heard from John and the angels, but the words haven't sunk in deeply enough to soften, relax, or remove the weariness and grief I have been feeling.

For, like Mary, I have known all along that until Jesus speaks, I will be immobile.

I found this to be so affirming, for I mistook my emotions as a lack of faith. How surprised was I to realize that:

• I am actually banking solely on Jesus to close the deal. The encouraging words I have received from others have been most appreciated, revealing the support from the body of Christ, and yet, I'm waiting for God to speak. Only then will I be satisfied and refreshed.
  
• Laying down my mike has been necessary. God knew that I would become paralyzed throughout this period. He has taken these last few months to build up a "God and me alone" mentality. Lonely, at times, to be sure, but necessary for my spiritual development, as I frequently err on the side of depending more so on people than Him. I've never doubted saying "no" to singing during this time. I knew I had heard Him tell me to make that choice. This decision was confirmed today.
  

Also like Mary, however, is the realization that while during this moment He spoke directly to her alone, He didn't do so exclusively for her. This time of "God and me alone" will come to a close, and then, I will once again be handed the mike to share what I know to be true.

That Salvation, Hope, Light, and Freedom are offered to all through the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

Thank you for this day, Lord.

Easter.


Photo by ganatronic

Lamentations 3: 22-24

Lamentations 3: 22-24 (New Living Bible)

²² The faithful love of the Lord never ends!
His mercies never cease.
²³ Great is his faithfulness;
his mercies begin afresh each morning.
²⁴ I say to myself, “The Lord is my inheritance;
therefore, I will hope in him!”

I was pleasantly awaken this morning by, nope, not George, but Harper with a hot cup of morning joe in her hand (interestingly enough in my "No Whining" mug). It was early. Earlier than usual for her to even be up. She was dressed.

I heard Zane up as well. He was still in pj's, but had apparently discarded his nighttime pull-up, having changed into clean underwear on his own, and had already eaten breakfast.

Zane entered with a cheerful, "Good morning, Mommy. I am the Captain of Coffee and Harper is my helper. She made it."

It was true.

As George recounts it, the kids woke very early. George was already up when Harper came downstairs dressed and eagerly offering to make breakfast for everyone.

"Dad, I got breakfast. You can go walk the dog."

She heated up Zane's pancakes (we make a huge stack at the beginning of the week and freeze them), and popped some bagels in the toaster while George walked the dog down to 7-11 to pick up some coffee. He returned home to see Harper serving Zane his breakfast.

She then got the coffee going, properly doctored the morning elixir, and delivered it to me.

It wasn't even 7:30.

George said he was so overwhelmed by the actions and countenance of Harper and Zane this morning that he walked the dog in tears. We are blessed beyond measure. We know this.

We. Absolutely. Know. This.

The remainder of the morning included:

• Secretly watching Zane attempt to make his bed
• Harper telling me to step away from her dirty clothes as SHE would bring them to the hamper
• A snuggle-fest with George and Zane on the bed during which Zane used all his "love talk" to woo me
• Harper helping me make the bed
• And many other "blinks" of God's goodness that I am unable to even recount, as there seemed to be such a multitude of "mercy moments" buzzing and whizzing through the climate of our home at such a high rate of speed that I couldn't possibly get them all recorded
  

It is Friday. Better know as "Joline has the entire morning to herself" day. It is 9:30. I am relishing the mercies God poured out this morning, am looking forward to a salon visit for a new sassy, snappy do, am surrounded by an incredibly clean and easily kept home (after weeks of doing so, it becomes a habit), and am breathing a bit more freely this morning.

God can use anyone to minister.

Thanks, Lord, for using my children.

Additional thought . . . after experiencing this incredible morning, I thought it would be interesting to go back in time. Here is my post from April 3, 2008. Quite a different morning this year.

Hunger Pangs

Simple.

Pure.

Essential.

My Mom's group is currently studying a DVD series entitled "Organic God". It isn't about how God would choose to shop locally at Farmer's Markets, or would choose foods without additives - although I do have a hunch that he would have. I just can't see God munching on a fruit roll-up. I think He'd just eat an actual piece of fruit.

No, this series is encouraging us to strip the toxins from our relationships with God. The toxins that can invade and taint our walks with God, thus restoring our relationship to the freshness that we desire.

Toxins? What? Well, I don't know what your toxins are, but mine are a bunch of nasty chemical's called "shoulds".

I should have an established quiet time every day. I should pray a certain way and have a really long and organized list to show for it. I should, I should, I should.

And, actually, I should . . . but not in the manufactured or contrived way that I can fall into just as easily as I blink.

The idea of praying for a spiritual hunger is prevalent throughout the series, and I must honestly say that this idea startled me a bit. I have indeed experienced a time in my life, prior to having my precious children, where I tore into the Bible and scribbled furiously in a journal every morning while planted at Newport Coffeehouse - my stop on the way to work at Trinity every day. I read and wrote and wrote and read and prayed and pondered and drank coffee, and discovered incredible nuggets about God that left me full up inside. I never prayed for spiritual hunger. It just . . . was. It was natural.

Times change and life phases change and with those changes come a shift in how we meet with God. Gone are the 60 minutes with Bible and journal and pen in a coffeehouse every morning. Arrived are the spits and hurried moments where God still graciously meets me. In these fractured and scattered attempts to seek Him, He continues to share with me the way He knows I learn best: in black and white.

So today, as the women shared together in small groups, I realized that perhaps I should be praying for a new spiritual hunger. Should - in a good way, rather than a pressured way. I want to. I'm not feeling obligated to, as if doing so is merely an errand to be checked off on a list of other random "to do's", but rather, I'd really like to see how God will respond to my asking this of Him for myself. And for George. And for the kids.

I realize that all too often when I need an escape or relaxation, I default to getting lost on the internet, in my blog, on facebook, or on-line newspapers. I default to another cup of coffee. I default to reading. I don't necessarily default to God when I need refreshment. And it's not that I want God to necessarily be the default . . . but I must wonder why He isn't even that for me on on a daily basis. Why do I not escape with Him? Even for five minutes?

I don't want a hit or miss relationship with God. I want true refreshment, where I can actually sit down and enjoy a meal, rather than settling for a quick snack while standing at the counter.

I would like to see God become my "go to" rather than my "resort to".

God is no spiritual rebound guy.

As my small group then pondered loving Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, He spoke to me. Clearly. A picture of a pumping heart entered the movie screen of my head. Not a red Valentine's Day heart. An actual beating human heart. Pumping blood throughout the body. And then. It slowed. And stopped. The body went cold. With the stopping of the heart, the soul vacated, the mind quit firing, and all strength was gone.

Yes, we should love the Lord our God with all of our being, and yet, for me, right now, God is saying, "Love me with your HEART. For if your HEART fails, all else fails. Without a beating HEART there is no soul, there is no mind, and there is no strength. Soul, mind, and strength leave the physical body when the HEART stops beating."

And this thought made me hungry. Hungry to rekindle my emotional relationship with the one God who gave His blood for me.

So, this is now my prayer for myself. And for the members of my family. And for my friends. I pray for a new spiritual hunger. A hunger which finds refreshment and fullness from deliberately seeking God, rather than merely resorting or defaulting to Him as an afterthought. A hunger which starts in the beating heart and pumps life giving blood to the rest of the body. It's a simple thought, really.

Simple.

Pure.

Essential.

"Organic God. It's like falling in love all over again."

Time to Accessorize!

Either wear the darn thing or don't.

You can choose to wear it.

You can choose not to wear it.

But if you choose not to wear it, or decide to remove it after realizing that responsibility actually takes some personal sacrifice, please don't complain that things aren't getting done, or that needs aren't being met. Admit that you don't want to wear it. Or bear it.

Know that your actions, the actions of even just one person, are relevant and powerful and can indeed contribute and lead to change. Don't follow a crowd who expects others to move mountains. Accept and walk in a manner which reveals to the world that you believe in your heart that God is present, that you know in your head that He is working, and that He has equipped you to join Him. Your actions do matter. Your actions do count. Your actions affect other people. Your personal actions do indeed affect other people.

Make a decision.

Either wear it.

Or don't wear it.

The responsibility of making the initial decision to wear the bracelet is yours, and yours alone, to make. Come on. You know how to dress yourself . . . choose your own jewelry. You don't need Clinton and Stacey to help you decide on this accessory. If you choose to remove it, and you can, as you do have free will, please don't make the excuse that someone else made you to do so.

Let's stop making excuses as to why we don't take responsibility.

Let's own our personal decisions.

Let's accept and admit our personal responsibility.

Warning. I didn't say doing so was easy.

Taking responsibility for our words and actions has become blurry. Being "others focused" has turned into a blame game for our own missteps. Whereas shouldn't being "others focused" actually mean loving and serving others and putting the needs of others before our own?

Let's put the blame game away and choose another activity.

And before you get all up in a tizzy, know that I am speaking to myself just as much as I am to you. Whoever you may be.

Responsibility is hard. Sacrifice is uncomfortable. Confronting our true thoughts, words, and actions (or non-actions) can be embarrassing.

And yet ultimately, we don't ask other people to wear our accessories for us, right? So get dressed.

Wear your own responsibility.

Wow! That looks great on you!

Matthew 5:33 "But let your statement be, "yes, yes' or "no, no' and anything beyond these is of evil."

Good Friday Forecast

Heavy Snow/Wind. High of 32. Low of 28.
Day: Snowy and windy. Snow will become heavy at times this afternoon. Thunder possible. Temps nearly steady in the low to mid 30s. Winds E at 20 to 30 mph. Snow accumulating 4 to 6 inches.

Night: Snow this evening will transition to snow showers late. Low 28F. Winds NE at 20 to 30 mph. Chance of snow 70%. Snow accumulating 2 to 4 inches.

Matthew 27:45
At noon, darkness fell across the whole land until three o'clock.

Matthew 27: 51
The earth shook, rocks split apart.

Mark 15:33
At noon, darkness fell across the whole land until three o'clock.

Luke 23:44-45
By this time it was noon, and a darkness fell across the whole land until three o'clock. The light from the sun was gone.

Ok, so the weather also wasn't so great the day Jesus died.

What am I complaining about?

A Swift Kick In the Snowpants

I reread my blog from last night, and while it is an honest portrayal of how I'm currently feeling, I realized that it communicated someone void of hope. I, on the waaaay other hand, am NOT void of hope. This is where things take a dramatic turn with regards to how I choose to respond and handle the difficulties of life. For I may wallow for a moment, but then due to my faith, I get up. Time and time again. I just get up. Sometimes that's all you can do. Stand up. At least I can do that. God can then move me forward. He did that today.

Read on.

As a believer in God, I do NOT for a moment believe that He has abandoned walking with us through this season. I haven't once questioned Him about why Harper is the way she is. (I'm not saying it isn't ok to question, I'm just saying that I haven't.) While my writings may sound as if I am depleted all all the hope within me, the truth is, I am not. The feelings of fatigue and frustration are most definitely present, but the TRUTH of God's presence is the anchor onto which I cling.

Today, I got a swift butt-kickin'.

She doesn't realized that she gave me a swift butt-kickin', but indeed, Kim Klamm did indeed do just that.

The foot she used was the Word of God. I can't say it hurt. But it did sting a bit and managed to propel me forward and knock a bit more sense into me.

Her text today: Psalm 139. I have to admit, there are certain scriptures that I tend to ignore because they seem so overused, over taught, and over dramatized. This is one of them. "Oh, I am so fearfully and wonderfully made!"

Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all about a zillion times.However, today, I realized that I am not treating Harper or speaking about her as if I believe she is a unique design crafted by God - she is the work of His hands. God sees all of us as unique designs in which there are no mistakes. And while I do feel a great pride in both of my children, I don't think I've been communicating how beautiful I see Harper to be. Her Artist crafted such a brilliant, creative, enthusiastic, engaging, curious, thoughtful, empathetic, person when He formed her, and I would be well to share that with her. She is not a work of art for which I can take credit. God knit both of my treasures and has entrusted me to love and nuture and protect these precious pieces with His leading and His guiding and His strength.

I marvel when I look at her.I want her to marvel in who God has made her to be. What is Harper's perspective of herself?

I wonder if I've been secretly hoping that Harper's design would change. And it is this thought that triggers the question: Whose design for Harper am I desiring?

Mine. The facade of a socially well adjusted child who is competely adaptable in all situations and enjoys and excells in academic, physical, and creative extra-curricular activities. I could go on an on, but quite frankly (butt kick), I'm describing (butt kick) a robot (butt kick).

I do love her the way she is. Forgive me for being "that" Mom, but I have a really cool kid. My inner drive is based on a desire that she will learn to love herself and build confidence (not vanity) about who she is, and who she will become. It is the outer drive, the application of this inner drive, that I need to flesh out.

So, know that while I struggle, my deepest desire is that she would truly know her Artist and that she is, indeed, a work of art. And while God may be needing to do some restorations right now, she is still a rare, unique, one of a kind design.

Priceless.

Psalm 90: 14-17

I prayed with a very wise woman today.

14 O satisfy us in the morning with Your kindness,
That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
15 Make us glad according to the days You have afflicted us,
And the years we have seen evil.
16 Let Your work appear to Your servants
And Your majesty to their children.
17 Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us;
And confirm for us the work of our hands;
Yes, confirm the work of our hands.

This Psalm was our guide. As we prayed through these words, specifically for Harper, I was struck with several thoughts:

Mornings are the most difficult for her. Thus, vs. 14 is a very appropriate and powerful scripture to pray for her - that she would be satified in the morning with God's unfailing love, and that she may not only feel joy, but that she would also communicate joy and gladness.

Affliction. Harper does indeed have an affliction. This affliction may disappear at some point. Or, it may not. And while all the words that flow from my mouth in an attempt to help her seem to bounce back without making an impact, it is GOD who can reach a depth within her which I can not. And it is therefore GOD who can make her glad in proportion to the affliction for which she experiences. In other words, simply put: I can't fix this. I can be a part of the healing process, but I can not ultimately fix this. I am not the GIVER of joy. I can make a choice as to whether I will bless or curse the situation, and I can make a choice as to how I will love, support, encourage, defend, build up, nuture, and raise Harper, but ultimately, GOD IS THE GIVER OF HER JOY!

Verse 15 says "Make us glad according to the days You have afflicted us". Do I believe that God has afflicted Harper? Well, He did create her. However, I refuse to look at affliction, whether physical or emotional, as something that is less than God's best - otherwise, we would be discounting the worth of many, many people! Harper's affliction, while difficult right now, as we don't have all the coping strategies in place, has also developed within her a very sensitive spirit towards others. She cares deeply for other people. If this is one of the ways in which her "affliction" manifests itself, then there is good within her affliction.

Verse 17 is more of a prayer for me and George - that God would confirm for us the work of our hands that we are doing her behalf. I pray that God would lead us on a straight path to find help for Harper.

These are just a few thoughts. I left my time of prayer feeling so very supported and so very thankful for scripture, a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

I left convicted about my response to situations that arise . . . do I bless or curse?

Gotta go chew on all of this.

Seek Ye First

The day has only continued on as smoothly as it began when I posted this morning. I'm delighted. And glad that I do not believe in jinxes, or I'd be up a creek right now.At bible study this morning I was relieved to learn that Kim Klamm a mother of 8 at our church and a fellow cropper will be leading a study on Practical Christian Living for Moms. In years past, I have RUN from bible studies geared towards mothers. Since Zane's birth, however, I have grown very fond of connecting with other mom's through the Word and have even found that this has been the ultimate place to find support and healing with regard to Harper's situation (which I've yet to blog about . . .). The group, currently titled MomsRus, should be called, Moms: Thank God. It's Not Just Me.

Some highlights from today . . .

I want to read What Happens When Women Pray. This book has been brought to my attention countless times and I can't ignore it any longer. Perhaps now is the time.

Mothers don't really have a "sanctuary". I do find that when I'm singing I find myself in a "sanctuary" of sorts, but indeed, in my home, I am the problem solver, the "go to" gal, the one who is constantly responding to a yell of "Mom? MOM???!!!". So, sanctuary doesn't really fit the description of my home. HOWEVER, God is indeed within me. So, part of our study will be in finding ways to locate and rest in the inner sanctuary that is God - who loves and breathes in me. Deep.

I so need to pray first, pray regularly, and pray with others.

Transformation does not bring about immediate comfort.

Sometimes, giving God my "firsts" can mean giving God my BEST. I can't always meet with God first thing in the morning and must wait until the best time of my day to do so - Zane's nap time. If I only think of giving God my "firsts" as first thing in the morning, I will get frustrated with myself every time.

Matthew 6:33 (The Message) Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provision. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.