Feeling Flushed

I finished the 21 day "flush" or "detox" or "purge" or "cleanse", depending on what you prefer to call it, on Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving weekend I drank coffee, (not the enormous amounts of which I was used to prior to the program), had cheese and crackers, ate stuffing, pie, etc. The regular Thanksgiving fare.

I didn't feel horrible afterwards, but I certainly didn't feel as great as I had over the prior 21 days. I don't think the occasional indulgence at the holidays is going to be retired altogether, but I will definitely be taking steps to watch the overload of dairy, gluten, and sugar, on a weekly basis. I do not have an allergy, which is good, but I do have a sensitivity, and my body is just happier without those pesky items.

I'm down to one or maybe two cups of coffee a day, and a ton of herbal tea. I love green tea with mango.

My head is clear. Not just the brain - but the sinuses also.

I'm able to multi-task with energy. A must for any mom to be sure, and yet, it's changed from a frantic, whirlwind, tumbleweed on speed pace, during which I forget things, misplace things, and even bump into things, to a calmer, manageable flow that doesn't leave me completely whipped and exhausted at the end of the day. I am accomplishing more and wasting less time.

My children say I am goofier and more fun.

*WARNING! LOVESHACK TALK*

George has experienced other perks.

*I WARNED YOU!*

The laundry still isn't done, but everything else is smooth.

I feel really good. 21 days took 7 pounds off my frame, got me used to eating more fruits and vegetables then I've ever eaten, has me experimenting with making my own salad dressings, introduced me to Larabar, helped me to habitually take a multi-vitamin and omega-3 oils daily, and . . . has my husband asking if he thinks that coming off of dairy would be a good thing for all of us. Even Zane, I fear, has a problem digesting milk. How do I know? Trust me.

Our grocery bill has increased . . . unfortunately buying fresher and more often can do this. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

I recently found out that I can use the walking track at Weber in Skokie without being a member of their workout facility. This, my friends, is the next step. Why I didn't know this before last week drives me crazy. Never would have bought (only to sell) the elliptical had I known I could walk/run indoors for free all along.

This was definitely the kick in the pants that I needed to jump start me to a new way of eating, thinking about eating, shopping, and preparing meals.

And as for any concern I had about seeing a chiropractor? My chronic neck and upper back pain has not reared itself since this entire process began. I didn't buy a fancy new pillow or a new office chair. No new contraptions for the neck. I have been getting adjustments every week - cheaper than a weekly massage - since, well, he's treating me for free. This is the longest I've gone without have some sort of even the tiniest lingering pain.

I'm glad I challenged myself.

Now, I want to learn to cook and bake with more whole foods . . . bought some fresh small artichokes this week. Anyone have a good recipe for them?

Countdown to Detox

If you follow my blog, (and thanks if you do), then you know that I am pretty transparent. I have no problem sharing my honest innards. You may find this pretty crazy, or self serving (a need for attention). I find it freeing.

Whatever.

Many of you have also watched the process we've been through with Harper since Kindergarten. You've watched us move through confusion, fear, frustration, evaluation, prognosis, and treatment. She has come out of the entire process with flying colors. In fact, we are now in the stage of giving her "vacations" from medication on the weekends. I've written about how much she has grown in previous posts, so I won't rehash that. Simply put, she's doing great. If you have read everything I've posted about Harper and then happen to meet her for the first time, you might demise that we are delusional regarding her ADHD. Sometimes I even wonder if she is still struggling underneath her incredibly humorous, brilliant, and vivacious outer shell.

You have also watched me, in an attempt to adapt to the happenings of the last two years, leave behind a coaching business, open a home business, communicate my heart and soul through writing, and attempt to regain a "normalcy", only to find that "normalcy" is a fallacy. If we keep hoping for normal, we reject the present blessings that God has given us each day. I trust and believe that "His mercies are new every morning". And yet in my attempts to find strength and power in our "new normalcy", I have struggled abysmally.

Harper has been doing great now for 6 whole months.

I however, have never returned to the optimum health that I lived in 2006.

Eating healthy? No. Consistent exercise? No. Organized house? I know, I know, many of you think it's ridiculous that I would describe myself as disorganized, but I am. Memory loss? Frankly, my short term memory has had some scary little dips. Spiritual life? Actually, pretty good thanks to Moms R Us and singing in the band, but my personal devotion times have been a constant struggle. Fellowship? Yes, but many times I'd rather just stay home. Retreating from getting together with people or leaving behind activities that were once fun? A little. I probably have the lingering effects of a non-diagnosed bit of depression. The days exhaust me. I'm irritable. Impatient. My brain and my body are fatigued.

I will be 40 this year.

Thank you. I don't think I look it either.

I will be 40 this year and I will NOT enter this year in defeat. I will return to optimum health. But, doing so will take a hefty commitment and a change of lifestyle. I need to break out of the terrible habits that were adopted over the last two years.

And thanks to an impromptu comment from a friend of mine - whose comment I truly believe was voiced through the Holy Spirit - I will be embarking on a journey to seek health by unconventional means.

Beginning on Friday, with the help of a new Doctor (a chiropractor/acupuncturist/nutritionist) who has a commitment to treating Pastor's and their families for free, I will be starting a 21 day detox plan to begin purging all the muck I feel inside. What muck?

Little do you know that I wake up feeling "hungover" every morning. Without caffeine I can't get going. Period. I am in a constant fuzzy or scattered state. I have developed chronic neck and upper back pain. My hip joints hurt. Playing anything physical with the kids knocks me out. I am exhausted by 5 or 6 and don't want to leave the house. I have sinus infections and what I believe to be undiagnosed allergies - and I really don't want to resort to merely taking allergy med's, as I think some natural remedies will actually be of more help. I struggle over making healthy meals and end up binge eating. It's like I'm ADD. Seriously. This is no way to live. At least, not for me.

This is not me.

So, I will enter a 21 day detox, during which time I will most likely remove gluten, sugar, and who knows what else. Yep, it's a flush of the entire system. Should be really pretty. I will also be meeting with the Doc weekly for adjustments and stretching.

All free.

It is such a gift. It's unbelievable that my friend even mentioned the guy - as we weren't even talking about health at the time. And it's no surprise, as the Holy Spirit just loves surprising us, that after this conversation came a second similar one with another friend, completely unrelated to the first. She too shared her remarkable results through a 21 day detox program. Maybe unconventional methods are catching.

I am excited. Really excited. I don't feel like me and I need to feel like me again. I think I am most excited to have someone else developing a plan for me rather than attempting to do so myself. I'm a pretty good rule follower and will follow a plan that is handed to me. I do not, however, have the patience to create one for myself.

What can you do to help? Support it. If we're out and about and I refuse to eat or drink something, don't press me with "Oh, come on. One little bite can't hurt." This is not helpful. Just be supportive. I can pig out with you some other time. Hold me accountable. Take it seriously with me.

I'll keep you posted on the results . . .

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day!

What better way to celebrate than by spending the day nursing your husband who has flu-like symptoms and keeping the children occupied with reading, baking, the computer and anything else you can pull out of your pocket on a rainy day. For instance, how about experimenting on your daughter? Yeah, cool idea!

Figuring that we'd be in all day, (we skipped church today) I decided to fore go Harper's medication today.

Let the races begin!

Oh. My. Word.

In George's words as he lay on the couch attempting to sleep, "My daughter is a whirling dervish."

Folks, I've said it once.

I've said it twice.

I'll say it again.

ADHD is real and coming to a theater near you.

Seriously, while her spirits are bright, her energy is non-stop. And her volume? Insanely loud. Ok, some of this is a learned behavior of projection from observing dear 'ole Mom, and yet the sheer enormity of her sound surpasses even what I can do.

It's noon. So administering her medication at this point would be ridiculous as it wouldn't wear off by bedtime. We'll get through. It's not like she's combative or incredibly disruptive. She's just . . . bouncy.

Let's play on the computer!

Boing!

Let's bake a cake!

Boing!

Let's go through every piece of costume jewelry and untangle each and every piece and then separate them into different catagories such as "sell", "keep", and "needs to be sorted", and then open a store at home, using Scouts crate as a strip mall.

I mananged to scrounge up enough coffee to make myself 1 1/2 cups. That should hold me.

No more experimenting.

I've really never excelled at science.

Test Subject

I received a free skin care sample by L'oreal today, and decided that if I truly want to know more about the competition out there, I should try it. So I did.

Let me preface this by saying that prior to becoming a Mary Kay customer, I was a skin care junkie. Upon opening my medicine cabinet one would find a wide assortment of cleansers, added benefits, moisturizers and the like. I kept and used every single sample that I received from cosmetic counters, and while I tried to use them before purchasing anything new, I now realize that this wasn't always the case - as evidenced by the amount of stuff I chucked when I became a Mary Kay consultant - not a requirement, mind you, but a personal decision. Some of the products were a few years old (I recall some microdermabrasion by Origins from 2005 . . . it was now disgusting) and should have been pitched earlier.

So, back to the stuff I tried. It's called Skin Genesis (a multi-layer cell strengthening product with Pro-Xylane and Hyaluronic Spheres - ?????). It won some "break though" award in Allure Magazine. It's similar to that of Mary Kay's Day and Night Solutions which are applied prior to moisturizer, offering additional age fighting benefits. It must be stressed that these are age fighting products with ingredients that will not be found in basic skin care, and thus they are priced a bit higher.

I found the product very slippery and it reeked of alcohol. It took a while to actually settle into my skin. My skin was soaked for a few minutes and I wasn't sure when I could apply the moisturizer, as the serum didn't seem to be drying.

I read the ingredients and found that it included added fragrance. Even now, with my Mary Kay moisturizer on top, I can smell the frangrance and my skin feels very taut - not a good taut, but rather a "masky" taut.

I don't know how much this product costs, but as with Mary Kay, this product is part of an age frighting system which includes a cleanser, the skin genesis step, and moisturizer. I do find that there does seem to be a "second" step with age fighting systems, so it is indeed similar to what we offer with our Miracle Set, although I must say, as objectively as I can, that I appreciate that our system does not have added fragrances and is non-comedogenic - Skin Genesis does not state this to be true.

According to PETA, L'oreal also continues to test on animals.

As does Olay.

My face is still sticky.

We may be all pink, and Texasy, and "old school", but I'll hang with the Mary Kay girls.

Played Like A Cheap Fiddle

Yep.

That would be me.

The one being played like a cheap fiddle.

Who knew Harper could play?

Ok, this whole walk through the world of ADHD medication is tedious and precarious, and obviously, I'm not fairing as well as others.

George keeps reminding me that we need to, excuse me, "stay the course", over the next two weeks.

Friends who have children on medication remind me that the first go is not always the clincher.

Harper, has even begun to take it in stride and within 10 minutes of taking it this morning had changed from "spring forward cranky girl" to "little Miss Helpful Sunshine".

I, on the other hand, have been told to chart. Keep track. Take daily notes. Watch for side effects. Record emotions and actions. Document. Keep a daily journal. You get the picture. All my mothering senses are on hyper-overload.

And thus, we arrive at today.

Harper arrived at church in a pretty good mood. I had already been there since 7:30 am (or 6:30 am if you take into account that we sprang forward today. Yes, I'm whining). I was pleased to see that she seemed great. She still didn't want to attend Sunday School and preferred hanging with George's class upstairs. I sang and then went to retrieve her, only to find her exiting George's class in a huff. Furrowed brow, sullen, all sighs. When I asked her what was up, she goes, "I'm bored."

I can't stand that answer.

We went down to the church library where she had a miraculous change of attitude and spent the remainder of the Sunday School hour writing a letter to my mom and reading to Fred Bryant, a great friend and incredible musician in our band. She was happy and enthusiastic.

After this, we went to the second service where, once again, Miss Sullen Face made an appearance. She sat stone faced through the music, although, it must be noted that she did indeed SIT, wouldn't go to second hour Sunday school (Children and Worship) unless George brought her up, wouldn't go without her backpack, and later, she shared that for the story and for prayer time, she sat by herself at the classroom door.

Like a good historian, I wrote all these behaviors down, and then teared up in church. My concern and heaviness for Harper is so very immense. She just seemed so unhappy today.

After church, I had an entirely new outlook due to George who shared that she went willingly into Children and Worship after he told her she'd get three stars in her star jar. This, got me thinking as I frantically attempted to pull off the wool covering my eyes.

The three of us had an INCREDIBLE talk after church. INCREDIBLE. I confronted her outright and asked whether her crabbiness was due to her not feeling well (her medication can bug her belly), or because she was just choosing to be crabby. She fessed up to conscious crabbiness. And while my words were direct, there was a thread of humor running through our entire conversation. This is obviously a paraphrased version of what we like to call "interview time."

"I was bored in Daddy's class because nobody needed help with water or coffee."

"Well, Harper, you made the choice not to attend your class, and thus, you have to sit in Daddy's class while I'm singing. You had your journal - you could have done some writing. This is your choice. But what you can't do is be distracting with your huffing and your puffing because you are bored, or leave the classroom. You chose to be there. If you are going to continue to be in his classroom you must not be distracting. Period."

I told her she should just go to the first hour of Sunday School if she can't handle being in Daddy's class. These are her two choices.

She explained clearly and beautifully that she doesn't enjoy her Sunday School class, even sharing that during Children and Worship (the class she attends second hour) the story "comes alive" and she can see it in her head, while in the first hour, they just read out of a book, and say "you have to do this craft and you have to do that craft" while in C & W they get independent work time. C & W also has more music, which she likes, although she doesn't like to sing or perform in front of everyone. Her animation while explaining this was incredible. What a public speaker.

"So, Harper, would you agree with me that your irritated attitude today had nothing to do with your being sad, but had everything to do with whether you get your own way?"

"Y. E. S."

"Because you seemed happy in the library, and happy writing to Mema. And then, when something happens that you don't like, you get all irritated. Today you were happy, then sad, then happy, then sad. I thought something was really wrong and was worried about you until Daddy gave you up. Even though you were sulking he said you went to Children and Worship with no problem once he gave you stars."

"Um. Yeah. I like that class."

"Stinker."

"I know. Hug!"

Obviously, this is just a bit of what we talked about. The most interesting piece came when she couldn't explain why she sat by the door, away from the class, for the story and for prayer time.

"It's a complicated question" was her answer.

Ok, time to sum up. Harper is 7. If she doesn't want to do something she can manipulate like the best of them. Her current form of manipulation is to use the "bored" excuse and feign irritation. The medication IS working and aside from a little stomach discomfort and morning irritability, it seems to be helping her to stay focused. Fidgeting is down. Comprehension, at least around the house, is up. Homework was a breeze yesterday. And this was Saturday homework. Which technically she probably didn't need to do, but I asked her to do it anyway. A breeze. Our time after church today was amazing. No popping on and off of chairs. A well communicated conversation.

So, I'm going to have to trust in the Lord's wisdom to show me when my child is just being 7 and needs to be called out like I did today, or when she's having a meltdown due to anxiety (the suspected culprit which drives her to sit by the door during the Sunday School class she DOES like) or ADHD (like the after school "coming down off of the medication"' meltdown on Thursday).

I'm taking a nap now.

Needing An Emotional Thaw

Okay, so if you've been keeping up with my blog, you already know that we're struggling to find a diagnosis and treatment for Harper. And while we are very assured that there is something going on in that head of hers for which she needs help, today, I tested her a bit. I wanted to experiment with pushing her buttons.

I know, I know, this sounds so mean. Just wait.

Feeling compelled to find out whether some of her behaviors at home are due to, as we so eloquently put it, "that tricky brain" or whether she's just being a cleverly disobedient 7 year old, I decided to challenged her every time she whined, told me no, refused to comply, or said she was tired.

I didn't yell. I didn't shout. I did speak firmly and held my ground.

I sent her to her room to calm down every time she countered me. And it's not like I was asking her to do anything out of the ordinary.

What I found is that she just didn't want to do what I asked and actually used the line, "Mom! Why won't you support me in this!" (a reference to "tricky brain") out of frustration when I wouldn't cave.

I told her that I was very supportive of helping her. Please! Of ALL people, God knows I'm all about helping her. I also told her that her ability to obey the rules of our home (i.e. homework before electronics, dirty clothes to the hamper, pajamas before TV time, bedtime after books) has NOTHING to do with "tricky brain".

Chicago winters are long.

I feel like our home has been stuck in "winter" for awhile now. We are in a blizzard of emotion and activity. Even wonderful fellowship events like dinner with the Klamm's are windy and cold and icy and unpredictable for me as I never know how Harper will interact with other kids (they have 8. 7 of which were home that night), when I will have to step in, if I should even step in, how to explain her stomping around saying she wants to leave and never come back, or the frequent "I'm bored" comments. I'm constantly on guard that a snowball or avalanche is headed my way. I actually admitted to George that as amazing as I really think Harper is, I just want her to get along with people and play normally with other kids. It always seems like such a chore.

Like shoveling snow.

You get it done, and then, turn around to get hit by another storm.

My head is a constant blizzard. I can't shovel fast enough. The sting of the cold is leaving me numb.

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone" Colossians 4:6 (New International Version)

What do you do in the winter when you find you are running out of salt?

We're expecting another 6-9 inches tomorrow night.