A Nun's Wisdom About Facebook

My apologies for not offering the exact name of the author of this prayer (scroll down to bottom). All I can find is a title: "Seventeenth-Century Nun's Prayer". However, the language sounds a bit too modern to be written by a Nun in the 1600's. I suspect false advertising.

However, Nun or no Nun. It's good stuff. As you are well aware, I've been doing quite a bit of writing on the subject of Facebook. You can read about that here, here, and here. They are lengthy posts.

There is no denying that FB, Twitter, blogging, etc. are now a mainstay in our culture. Communication has not necessarily "come to this", but the "this" has certainly taken up some prime real estate in our interactions with one another.

A friend shared this prayer with me a few days ago, and I thought it was both a fabulous read, and incredibly convicting and helpful as we navigate our daily interactions with one another in person, as well as in cyber-life.

I have come to yet another conclusion about social media: In the written world, there seems to be a lack of grace towards the poster and those that comment on posts. The environment yields itself well to quickly constructed sound-bytes which seem to provoke (encourage?) quick responses (reactions?) in return. However, the grace we may extend to one another in real, physical life, you know, the face to face contact that was so popular years ago, seems to get chucked when we choose to type our thoughts - whether as the original author, or the commentator. People misspeak. We all, at times, speak without thinking. So one could argue that we also mistype - letting our fingers do the talking without first examining what it is we are saying. I know I have. Have you?

Just look at the citation list above.

If that was the standard, I'd be guilty of all it. Except maybe the vulgarity. Unless you count "A$$" or the cleverly disguised, "@#(^".

Is anyone completely innocent of all charges?

And, just who is writing these "tickets"?

 "The author [of the list in the photo] should just," as my sister put it, "remove him/herself off of the offending social media site and let the rest of us enjoy ourselves."

Yes, rather than keeping a list of wrong-doings.

In that respect, FB and real-life seem eerily similar. Do they not?

So, the prayer. For those of us that post. And for those of us who comment on posts. For me. For you. For the time being, I'm choosing to watch my fingers a bit more closely. Slow to speak. Slow to type.

Lord, you know better than I know myself that I am growing older and will someday be old. Keep me from the fatal habit of thinking I must say something on every subject and on every occasion. Release me from the craving to straighten out everybody else's affairs. Make me thoughtful, but not moody. Helpful, but not bossy. With my vast store of wisdom, it seems a pity not to use it all, but you know, Lord, that I want a few friends at the end.

Keep my mind free from endless recital of details; give me wings to get to the point. Seal my lips on my aches and pains. They are increasing, and the love of rehearsing them is becoming sweeter as the years go by. I dare not ask for grace enough to enjoy the tales of others' pains, but help me to endure them with patience.

I dare not ask for improved memory, but for a growing humility and a lessening cocksureness when my memory seems to clash with the memories of others. Teach me the glorious lesson that occasionally - I may have been mistaken.

Keep my reasonably sweet. I do not want to be a saint - some of them are so hard to live with. But a sour old person is one of the crowning works of the devil. Give me the ability to see good things in unexpected places, and talents in unexpected people. And give me, Lord, the grace to tell them so.

Facebook Flub: Aw, Snap!

Part three of my continuing personal saga with Facebook involves that little "Recommend" box that one will find on many articles on the internet.

I have literally "put baby in the corner" - and by baby, I am referring to myself, by NOT posting articles on my personal page any longer. As many of my articles have to do with the topic of the obesity rate in the U.S., the rise of child obesity, health & fitness, and blogs/articles about our food supply and choices here in America, I have made a conscious choice to post these articles directly to Fit With Jo.

What's cool is that when I read an article I'd like to share, all I need to do is click the little Facebook link (widget, I think it's called) and then I will be given the CHOICE as to WHERE I would like to post it on FB: my personal wall, Fit With Jo, a private group? 

I get the choice.

I learned yesterday that THIS IS NOT THE CASE with the "Recommend" button.

Yesterday, as I went to recommend an article, I assumed (wrongly) that I would be given the choice as to where the post advertising the link I was recommending would be published. Only I was not given any options other than my personal wall.

Thus, I decided not to continue (and by continue I mean by typing a short note about the piece I was recommending). Instead, I closed the pop-up.

Only, by clicking "recommend", the link had already gone through - whereas normally when you "share" a link, it will not post unless you click "publish". 

Since I have my wall closed to outside posts, my article recommendation did NOT show up on my wall.

BUT IT DID SHOW UP IN EVERYONE ELSE'S NEWSFEED: "Joline Pinto Atkins recommends a LINK."

Please note, if you click "recommend" the link will immediately post on your profile wall. The deed is done. And you will not have a choice to link it to the page of your choice. 

I ultimately chose to remove the link all together because one point in the article obviously frustrated a friend of mine. 

As I've mentioned in two blog posts now, I am not going there - into debate-mode - on FB any longer. I'm just not. I do not want that aggravation. Especially since no actual audible words were being exchanged about the content of the article. We weren't having a conversation about the piece. There was simply a LINK to a piece. I made no commentary when I recommended it. Even so, the response that followed, reminded me once again, what a slippery platform FB is. 

So I deleted the recommendation's existence from the Newsfeed.

Be careful of that pesky "Recommend" button.

Lesson learned.

Again.

Facebook Relationship Status: Reply Hazy

Thank you friends for the emails and messages regarding the recent post about my change of heart with Facebook. You are sweet to care about us. We are working out our issues. Getting counseling. So far, my separation from FB hasn't led to my wanting to end our relationship completely.

We have to think of the children.

Many of you offered options on how to provide more privacy - and it's not that I was am seeking privacy controls to keep people OFF my page, but rather, I just felt feel like, as in all varieties of friendship, not everything I do and conviction I hold, every article I find interesting, each photo I take, every bite of food I eat, or, yes, each workout I endure, MUST or SHOULD be shared with everyone.

Think about it. Do you share every inch of your life with all the people you know?

In non-FB life, I don't keep a written list of my friends - placing them in different categories (the provision FB has in place to enable us to keep certain groups separate). Something about doing this on FB left leaves me feeling really uncomfortable. And kind of icky.

So, while I DID figure out how to create more privacy through "lists" (and not really, as there's a huge glitch in the only-the-people-on-this-list-can-see-what-I-am-posting-right-now "privacy" system within FB - which doesn't actually create true privacy at all) a better choice was to take a step back from posting so much content.

"But then, why are you still posting blog posts, links to your business wall, and your workouts?"

Part of my beef with the FB platform is the "sound-byte" issue. It goes something like this: Someone reads a quickly, and, at times, poorly composed status update. Then, as a dear friend, and college Professor explains, "Without ANY background, the reader "fills out" that sound-byte, and, most often, does so improperly." As a Christian, if I am sold on the importance and value of reconciliation and restoration, then I better hold human communication to a higher standard than a sound-byte.

FB is sorely lacking as a model for clear interpersonal communication.

Thus, I have chosen to point you to my blog, (where I can better work-out my thoughts), the blog I write with other writers (Daily Fast Fuel and Pittsburgh Mom), and my workouts - which due to Team Beachbody's website does not allow me to choose which FB page on which to post it. But, as a Coach, I must post it. It's kind of, sort of, part of my job. And I like receiving my weekly paycheck. As for my Fit With Jo page, I must continually invite friends to come on over, so I'll add a link on my personal page from time to time.

"But you are still commenting on other people's updates."

Yes, as I mentioned in that first post. I like FB. I'm just in the midst of figuring out how best to use it for me. And for my stress level. I still want to click "like" for a friend who successfully completed NaNoWriMo. And my husband as been training hard for a race, so, naturally, I'm gonna pop in on that conversation as well. This morning my sister posted that she was wearing "Christmas socks". Fearful for her welfare, I felt the urgent need to communicate my honest concern. Where I've backed the truck up, is on my personal wall . . .

"So just write general stuff."

That response is funny. People get ragged on for typing mundane posts like, "I just had lunch. Mmmmm", as well as for updates that can be considered controversial, "Walmart - bad!"

One can't win on FB.

Interestingly enough, I've not missed it. I don't feel "disconnected" from people. The friends who I see, talk with, text, and email daily, are, surprisingly, still in my life . . .

Without an open FB wall.

Imagine that.

Facebook: We're On A Break

If you read my last post, you'll already be aware that I am in a "battening down the hatches" sort of mood. Which, admittedly, is difficult when so much of one's day is spent online.

I began blogging 10 years ago - almost 11 now. When Harper was about 3 months old. My posts at that time were all about being a new mother. Since then, my blog has morphed, and now, I just like to chat away. On a variety of topics.

I miss blogging. Sadly, I realized recently, that many of my thoughts/ideas, which I would have most certainly blogged in the past, have been reduced to "sound-bytes" on Facebook this year. Lazy writer.  And while I am grateful for social media in the respect that it has played an ENORMOUS role in building my Beachbody business, I am also finding myself getting progressively weary of the FB platform - and miss writing on my blog.

I know. Right?

Yes, you are reading Cuppa Jo. Do not adjust your settings. It is indeed Joline writing. And yes, I DID state that I'm not loving Facebook as I once did.

I began making some small changes this year:

• I removed my personal page from being Public.
• I have hidden friends who use offensive language, are continually snarky, or just have a negative spirit.
• No posts, photos, or videos, etc. in which I am tagged can be posted unless I approve them.
• People can not check me into places, and I don't do so either.
• I moved the bulk of my business information to my Fit With Jo page, (while still having to post on my personal page from time to time to drive people over there to build the page.)

However, It was a few short weeks ago on the women's retreat to which I referred in Hula Hooping, that first clued me in to the fact that these changes weren't easing my FB tension.

Add to this a recent situation at church that produced a lot of statements and gossip on Facebook that I wish I hadn't seen, and the tension headache grew.

Then there was a nudge from God which taught me that Facebook seems to have become the way that many have chosen to start and maintain "friendships"- getting to know people solely through status updates or by what they post. Enter, migraine.

God has been known to speak to me in the "rule of three". Only this time, I'm not laughing.

So, in response to God's prodding, I attempted to make adjustments to my Facebook account over Thanksgiving, only to find myself more frustrated. In my desire to create "lists" so that not everyone was forced to see each and every post I write, I ended up dizzy.  I let "this" list see "this post" and "that" group see "that post", but forgot to put "this" person in "this" group, and forgot to remove "this" person" from seeing all "those" posts, and then, I basically gave up. It wasn't worth it. I didn't like the feeling of "categorizing" people, and at some point, someone's feelings were going to get hurt. (And yeah, I care about that kind of thing.) It was like inviting people to several different parties. Ridiculous.

My conclusions.

• There is absolutely no way to have complete privacy on Facebook. 
• The likely-hood of misinterpreting someone's written "sound-bytes" on Facebook is high.
• While it is a great place to share statements, articles, links, and opinions, it is those very posts which drive people crazy and create weirdness. (But, yet, isn't that why we are all there?)

Facebook is a petri-dish which breeds misunderstandings, hurt feelings, assumptions, perceptions, judgments, and lack of discretion. All without actually talking.

And lest you find me sounding full of myself, I am, as they say, preaching to the choir here. Guilty as charged.

As much as I actually enjoy or have enjoyed FB, I just don't want the Tylenol PM headache any longer.

I am not leaving completely. My Fit With Jo page is going great. So supportive. Those of us there have a common purpose and goal. As for my personal page?  I am going to step back for a season - how long, I don't know - until I reconcile some of these feelings I have developed, and realizing that the "custom list" option ain't gonna cut it for me.

What used to be so much fun has just gotten too complicated and confrontational, without proper confrontation. It's become a game. And within any "discussion" where tone, pitch, body language, and facial expressions can not be heard and seen (like in this post) there is the possibility of trouble.

Trouble that no amount of smile faces, LOLs, LMAOs, IMHOs, or HAHAHAs can cure.

I know I'm not the only one out there who has become increasingly frustrated. Perhaps you aren't one of them. If not, that's great. (Give me a call and we can talk about it.) But I have personally witnessed first-hand and heard from others over this past year how the luster seems to be fading on the FB gem.

So, respectfully, I'm bowing out for a bit.

See you on Fit With Jo. Or, email still works. So does the phone.