Chopped? Heh, heh. Not the Atkins!

Our family thoroughly enjoys watching Chopped on the Food Network.

Harper, especially, begs me every week to lift the "no TV during the school week" rule in order to watch Chopped on Tuesday nights.

I haven't caved.

Until today.

This morning, we set out to visit the Grand Opening of Giant Eagle's Market District in Robinson, not to shop, but to meet Ted Allen, the host of our favorite Food Network show. Harper was estatic to get the opportunity to meet him. Zane? Zane just wanted a bagel.

I asked George to navigate off of the tiny, and not most helpful, map that was included in the mailed announcement we had received, knowing full well that my GPS wouldn't register the street - for the entire complex is that new.

I think I probably asked him 3 times, "Is there any exit listed or cross street? Anything?"

Nope.

So we got off in Robinson and tried to use our sense of smell to find the place.

Yeah, apparently we're not real talented in sniffing out locations, plus, this is Pittsburgh. No grid. Just hills and turns and Oh! A cool drive-in!

The drive-in was nowhere near the store. We were most definitely lost.

Realizing we'd gone too far south, I turned around to backtrack only to hear my very humbled husband remark, "Oh, um, sorry, the map says to take the Ridge road exit."

He apologized, and then realizing that it was now 11:00 and that Ted began his cooking demostration at 11:00, we prayed that God would redeem the fun that we had planned - that we'd still get to see Ted's demostration, and have the opportunity to meet him. I know, maybe it seems silly to pray about meeting a Food Network celebrity, and even I told the kids, "Hey guys, Ted isn't Jesus", but I also know that God listens to all our requests, and I believe He is a fan of family time, and this was definitely a family gig. I didn't want to have our plan thwarted due to a minor maptastrophe.

The parking lot was a zoo, (of course), so I had George let me and Harper out while he and Zane found parking.

The place is mammoth. Convention center huge. Once inside, we had absolutely no idea where to go. We were dodging carts, and shoppers, and resisting the urge to stop and sample, in order to get to the demonstration area. It pains me to think of all the cheese cubes we passed without indulging. Hey, when on a mission, one doesn't stop. Even for cheese.

After the confusion of asking an employee for directions and being led in the completely wrong direction, we finally found the demonstration area and took up camp stage left to watch Ted and a chef from Market District make shrimp scampi and some apple tarty thing for desert. George and Zane had met up with us by that point, and we all took a deep breath.

Saturday To Do List: Watch Ted Allen's cooking demonstration. Check.

Towards the end of the demo, Ted announced he'd be going upstairs to sign his new cookbook. Before he even uttered his last word, we were gone, darting to the stairs to get in line for autographs.

Outside the room where he'd be signing we were asked, "Do you have your ticket?"

Oh no.

What is this? Willy Wonka?

A most wonderfully kind and gracious employee of Market District explained that all those wanting to see Ted needed a numbered ticket and that she would be more than happy to get us one. However, at this stage in the game, our number would be in the hundreds.

I SWEAR I didn't put on an act. I was tempted. But in lieu of pure drama, I just opted for the truth. I just got close to the employee's ear and simply said, "We didn't know about the tickets. My daughter LOVES Chopped and we drove down from Beaver just to see Ted and get his autograph, and have to be back in Beaver by 1:00."

Her response?

"Wow. All the way from Beaver? Wait here. I'll get you in. Hang here a minute."

It was only a 15-20 minute drive. It's not like we took a complete day trip to meet Ted. But, ok.

She returned with paper for the kids and pens.

"This is for you to get autographs. You'll be first in line."

And we were.

Ted greeted us as he passed us to enter the room. And then, once situated, they waved us in.

He was sooooooooo amazing to the kids. Shook their hands. Asked their names. Really made it about them.

Yeah, I'm gay-crushing.

He LOVED both Harper and Zane's names, and we talked literature for a blip. Then he asked Harper what she liked to cook.

"Ritz Cracker Pizza's."

"Oh, I don't know that dish. Tell me the ingredients."

She did.

"It sounds great, Harper, like soft nacho's."

He then turned to Zane and asked what he liked to cook.

"Chocolate chip cookies."

"Me, too, Zane. Do you like chocolate cookies with nuts or without?"

"No nuts!!!!!!!!!"

"Yeah, most kids don't like nuts in their cookies."

He was incredibly engaging with the kids, all while I was feeling completey self-conscious about continuing the conversation in front of the long line of fans who were actually holding tickets, although I secretly harbored the desire to ask Ted to please go all Queer Eye for the Straight Guy over my husband whose wardrobe has often been referred to as "Urban Lumberjack".

He signed color photographs for the kids, and one for our neighbor, shook our hands, and thanked us for coming out.

We left the room and Harper erupted with, "THAT WAS SO AWESOME!" And then, as a family, we stopped a moment to lift up a prayer of thanks for this seemingly small favor.

I will be sending a thank you note to Ms. So and So, for she didn't have to usher us to the front of the line. No, she could have stuck to the "law "and sent us back to get a ticket and wait just like everybody else. But instead, she placed grace before the rule and gave our family a really cool morning.

If she can break the rule, so can I.

Harper may now watch Chopped on Tuesday nights.

Zane? He just wants a bagel, and chocolate chip cookies sans nuts, and will conk out by 9:00 anyway.

"Atkins family. Please open your basket."

During the excruciating journey of selling our home in Evanston, I had to refrain from watching HGTV, or, more specifically, any type of show that had to do with: tips for selling a home, tips for buying a home, home decorating, flipping houses, remodeling, or absolutely anything that had to do with anything that had to do with anything that had to do with HOUSES: buying houses, painting houses, staging houses, flipping houses, landscaping houses, renting houses, remodeling houses, and, of course, the thorn - selling houses.

Have I made my point?

That meant no Divine Design, Design on a Dime, or Color Splash, which I actually did enjoy watching prior to our experience.

So, where does one turn in a crisis?

To food.

I had NEVER watched the Food Network prior to entering into the process of selling my home. And then, one night, unable to watch yet another show on HGTV, all of which, for me, translated into the "will I ever get this house sold" show, I found the Iron Chef. It was fun. Void of anything remotely related to the declining housing market. Harper can now name every Iron Chef on the show.

Then, there was the Next Food Network Star. Mmmm, nice. I just love when people think it is just soooooooooo easy to work in front of a camera. It is a skill, people. It takes practice. I then found Throwdown with Bobby Flay. Loved the idea, and since the first episode I watched had to do with making ravioli in Brooklyn, I was instantly hooked. And Ace of Cakes? Who doesn't love Duff. But then, I found the show that has become a true staple in our home. The one we gather to watch together.

Chopped.

Ok, the judges are a bit nasty. Really, they have stares like hot skewers that just burn a hole in a chef's confidence. Never is there a dish that gets all praise - nope, there always has to be one biting comment.

And yet, we came to love it.

So did Harper and Zane.

Why? Because just as eating food attends to one's emotional state, Chopped gave me a sense of relief in that during that 30 minutes it was not me on the chopping block. It was the one show where I could kick back, forget about my house, forget about my buyers, forget about the enormity of it all, and just enjoy other people running around creating and sweating in a timed competition where mystery ingredients like ginko nuts are the true stars.

One of my goals upon moving to Beaver, was to decrease our grocery bill dramatically. I've done so by shopping at Aldi (even though, yes, I was pissed at them back in Skokie) as the one out here is fantastic.

Another way I've decreased our grocery bill is by playing the home version of Chopped when pickin's get low. George showed some great creativity with his stuffed Portobello mushrooms last night. And tonight, in honor of the kids being in bed early (which has been very difficult as they want to stay up watching Food Network - I've created Chef groupies), we made some nachos, adding various ingredients that we found in the pantry. (I don't really have a true "pantry", but they have one on Chopped, so, in the spirit of the game, I must use the same language.)

It's as if Chopped has enabled me to take 3 or 4 ingredients and make . . . something. Anything. Totally goes with my whole "don't be wasteful" mantra. I'm not linking you to that - I have too many posts on the subject. It would be a waste of my time to link all of them.

I still have no interest in watching HGTV, because now that I have a 3 story house with a basement I am completely overwhelmed with how to paint it, decorate it, or just plain handle it should I sprain my ankle on one of the three stairwells.

However, if someone from HGTV would want to come and decorate a room for me - well, I think I would let them in.

I'd even cook them a meal in 30 minutes flat with some mystery ingredients found in my kitchen.

Sea Urchin, flaxseed, eye of newt, and swedish fish, anyone?

Do you watch Food Network? If yes, what is you favorite show/chef?
And who will win the next Food Network Star competition? Melissa? Jeffrey?